DIILOGICAL

I am penning down this without much of the prior accumulation of thoughts which i normally do before writing anything.I just felt like writing and here I am.I am not concerned whether someone will like it or not bcoz this one is for me.Sometimes people are at their best when they are spontaneous.3 more days left in Haridwar and for the first time i am scared of leaving this place.Mind is going through flux of thoughts and i don't know what to do next to keep me engaged and busy after loosing my friends company.A series of bastard thoughts was perturbing my mind right now and the only escape i found was writing something....something meaningless...something that does not make any sense but keeps me away from some real silly absurd thoughts...Its very easy to get flowed out with these thoughts...I still remember the TV serial VISHWASH and the characters of that serial...and thats what a person should not surrender..his VISHWASH to the evils of KAAM,KRODH,BHAY,IRSHYA n LALACH...gosh!!!..i dnt know what i m trying to convince and to whom...may be to myself!!!...somewhere deep within impetusrahul is in need of some impetus to move him forward....I wish i was a ginnie and i could have repaired few things in my life which i have screwed up and have made a mess of the things not only for me but for others also..I wish i could have controlled few things or may be should have controlled me.....Did it made any sense???..who cares???..i just have to keep on typing...who cares somebdy reads dis crap or not...atleast its keepin me busy right now and thats what i need to do...to keep me busy...phew!!I talk a lot...and now here is a pause...what to vomit next here...M missing my old friends and my school days a lot...a bit ironical....college days are over and am talking about school days...but thats how it goes for me.....Friends have been my life and one of the reasons why i am on this earth....for friends...and it really hurts when i loose them...and its hurting right now....very badly....but still doesn't want to talk to anybody....Confused???....me too!!!....i guess its time for a change but the mystery continues...WHAT NEXT??...i told u i m not going to make any sense today but u still read it...oh god!..am bored....I need to change myself....I guess its time to change myself and develop some new traits to avoid the pain of loosing my dear ones..i guess no one is going to stay with us forever...ENOUGH....Time for bed but who wanna sleep??.....hectic work tomorrow...have to prepare for major...If somebody makes a sense out of this plzz do comment...I really need to know myself....aur plzz ye mat likhna ki tu pagal ho gaya hai...;)